Well that year mark has come and gone. I don't know how but since that date passed, I feel better. Nothing magical happened on that date, but I think I am less consumed by this now. So many people had told me the 1st year was the hardest, and at this time I have to agree. Thank God!

My thoughts are not all consumed by what happened, why, etc. I am not constantly on the verge of tears. I was able to pull from my experiences to help a friend of mine last week. Her mother died earlier this year (no similar circumstances) and she is having a very hard time. Losing your mother is horrible; I don't care what the circumstances of the death are, the relationship you have at the time, or what may have happened prior to the death. We all only have one mother and there is an undeniable bond there. Anyway I was very thankful to be able to help a friend, as I told her my strength comes in part from being my mother's daughter.

My most haunting thought now is that maybe my mom didn't fight back with all she had because of our relationship. I do not know of any evidence that would directly support her not fighting back, but she is dead. That's about all the evidence I need. I know that is a very selfish thought, but that's where I am now . . .