Mother's Day

Here are pics of my mom's grave that I took yesterday, Mother's Day. What are you seeing? The pic of the single slab is over my mom's grave. In the box is written her name, date of birth, and (assumed) date of death. In the other pic, my mom's grave is the closest in the pic, my cousin's is next, and my PaPa's is the 3rd. The angel at the foot of mom's grave was put there by my son for her birthday (April 1st).

I saw there were new flowers at the head of her grave yesterday. If you placed them there, thank you.

I was all prepared for the day, after all this year has been going so much better, right? That's what I posted earlier. Oh well, so much for that idea. I have realized the emotions associated are ever changing. Yes, most days now are better than they had been. Yesterday was the exception to the rule. I was so upset all day. I went to her grave after lunch and spent some time there, hoping that would somehow make me feel better.

I have tried and continue to try to talk to her. Some days I feel like I am just talking to the air around me, and others it seems that maybe somebody, somewhere is listening.

Some of you may know that I have always been a bit afraid of the dead. Yes I know, "the dead won't hurt you, it's those alive you need to worry about." This all began when one of my grandfathers died, can't exactly remember with which I began to feel this way. I tell you that to say this, I think I would really welcome a visit from my mom's spirit. Am I crazy? Maybe, but I do believe in an after-life and I know that death is not the end.

Anyway, for those of you who called yesterday, please forgive me for not calling you back. I could not talk to you (for both of our sakes), but thank you so much for the calls - they meant the world to me.