Unique Position

I found myself in a weird place this week. I can't go into too many details, but I want to share my experience as best I can.

I was at work in the ER and had a trauma code. When the patient was rolled into my room, my brain immediately thought, "This could be the person who murdered my mom." Of course, I never thought I would be faced with this situation. For a fraction of a second I froze. How can I work hard and give my all to save a life that may have taken my mom's? That was my thought. But, I quickly repressed the thoughts and went about my job.

I worked hard, very hard, along with my colleagues to save this life. The tears came later. No, there was nothing specific to suggest this was my mom's murderer. But I knew the events that happened prior to the arrival of this patient and I feel this person was capable of murder.

Even though that was a few days ago, it is still weighing heavily on my mind. I never in a million years imagined myself in such a place. I amazed myself that I was able to overcome those thoughts and perform as a good nurse should. I faced those demons and am overcoming them.

I need closure and resolution, desparately.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I was able to talk to the detective this week and received some encouraging news. I don't want to go into too much detail here (you never know who's reading . . .), but I have reason to hope again. I was almost at the point of losing hope, beginning to think the detectives were waiting for the killer to come and turn himself in . . . I guess I was wrong in my assumption.

Stay tuned . . .

New Year

Hoping you all had a wonderful and joyous holiday season. I made it through; I had many moments of weakness, but I think this year was better than last. A nice surprise for me was receiving a Christmas card from Sharon Rocha (Laci Peterson's mom - remember she and her unborn son were murdered by her husband Scott).

I have not visited my mom's gravesite since before the holidays. I just couldn't do it. When I had time, I was having those weak moments and when I felt I could handle it emotionally, I didn't have time. It makes me so sad to go there; I guess reality slapping me in the face.

I haven't talked to the detective since November. I had thought I would call him today, but time got the best of me. Hopefully in the morning I will make contact with him. I intentionally did not call him over the holidays. Reason #1: I didn't need to be saddened even more than I was already due to lack of progress on her case. Reason #2: To be a cold case detective, he sure is handling a lot of new, curent cases. To me that means, no real work on my mom's case.

Still haven't heard from America's Most Wanted; I will post here when I have a broadcast date. Thanks for checking in.