Unique Position

I found myself in a weird place this week. I can't go into too many details, but I want to share my experience as best I can.

I was at work in the ER and had a trauma code. When the patient was rolled into my room, my brain immediately thought, "This could be the person who murdered my mom." Of course, I never thought I would be faced with this situation. For a fraction of a second I froze. How can I work hard and give my all to save a life that may have taken my mom's? That was my thought. But, I quickly repressed the thoughts and went about my job.

I worked hard, very hard, along with my colleagues to save this life. The tears came later. No, there was nothing specific to suggest this was my mom's murderer. But I knew the events that happened prior to the arrival of this patient and I feel this person was capable of murder.

Even though that was a few days ago, it is still weighing heavily on my mind. I never in a million years imagined myself in such a place. I amazed myself that I was able to overcome those thoughts and perform as a good nurse should. I faced those demons and am overcoming them.

I need closure and resolution, desparately.