We are quickly approaching the three-year anniversary of mom's death. It is easier in the fact that I am used to the idea. But often times I still want to call and talk to her and realize I can't.

I haven't posted in a few months, but as I've stated before there is nothing new to post. How many different ways can I put it? I still hold on to the hope mom's murder(s) will face justice, but I don't know if that will be reality. I have a couple of things in the works to answer some burning questions I have. Will I get the answers I need? Maybe, maybe not. Whatever the outcome, these steps won't hurt anything; they will either help or do nothing. What do I have to lose?

An update on the people I previously mentioned in my blog: My friend's husband is the owner of a new heart as of 11/01/08. So far things are going well and there are no signs of rejection.

The other friend I mentioned is now the mother of 3 amazingly beautiful little boys. Prayer for her and the boys were greatly appreciated and answered. She is loving life and welcomes every challenge motherhood throws her way.

I briefly spoke with my detective this morning. He has no information on my mom's case, at least "not yet." He assured me he never gives up hope.

Last week he was on the news and stated he had new information on a major case. Even though I knew it was most likely in relation to another case I had to ask about it. Sure enough, it wasn't about my mom's case.

As for my friend I mentioned in the last blog. Her husband is home, still awaiting a new heart. I believe the experience would be trying for anyone, so please remember her and her family in your prayers.

I also ask you to pray for another friend. She is 39 and pregnant with triplet boys. This is her first pregnancy. With her age and the multiple gestation, she is automatically high-risk.

That about covers it today, stay tuned until next time. . .

I sit down in front of my computer really feeling the need to update but I have no words. Before anyone gets excited, there has been no news on finding mom's killer(s).

She has been on my mind so much lately. I did finally have a dream about her, but it was so out of left field. She did not look like my mom, but nonetheless it was a dream. I had it one day while sleeping for work that night. I overslept that day because I did not want to wake up and have my dream end. It really was a crazy dream but I enjoyed it. I have been hoping to dream of her for a long time so I was okay that it was crazy weird.

I think about her all the time. The bad news is that contained in those thoughts are flashes of the crime scene photos. Horrible, horrible images forever burned into my mind.

A dear friend of mine has a friend who is a psychic medium (can connect with the spirit of those who have passed on). I have talked with her, shared emails, and even went as far to schedule an appointment (that I cancelled last minute). I have never believed in psychic abilities, but I think maybe she could offer me some closure I so desparately need or maybe I'm just grasping at straws (to her credit, she has helped to solve at lease one murder case). I do know there is no easy fix for the heartache and pain I feel every single day, but I wonder if it would help ease the pain just a bit.

Before I end this post, I ask you pray for a friend and her family. Her husband is (#1 right now) on the heart transplant list. He is in the Intensive Care in Atlanta until a heart becomes available. This is such an emotional rollercoaster ride for them. If he has no more events, he will return to #3 on the list this week and come home this weekend.

Sorry it has been so long since I last updated. But truthfully, I have nothing to update. That's right, no news. Absolutely nothing new.

On my monthly calls to the detective, I get nothing. He always claims he hasn't heard anything going on with mom's case and doesn't have the file in front of him so he can't look. You know my frustrations, noone besides me seems to have any sense of urgency in finding my mom's killer(s). Yes to me, that in itself is a crime. What am I to do though, I have absolutely NO power as far as this investigation is concerned.

What a Week!

This has been one of those weeks! You know, one of those when you think what else could happen, and then you see what can!

Last weekend my stepson graduated high school. Let me just say there was a lot of accompanying drama. We dealt with that the first part of the week.

Yesterday Dane and I left home to go to the grocery store. My husband called while we were out, frantically asking where we were. I told him and he said, "The house has been broken into." Geez!! You're kidding right??? I wish!! Keep in mind he came home less than 1 hour after we had left.

Yesterday as WRPD were here and we were attempting to assess the damage, Shannon said "What else can happen?" I quickly told him not to ask, or we might would see. We are thankful we were not home when the incident occured and that no one was injured.

After filing the police report, cleaning up, and filing a claim with insurance I made a call to our realtor. In light of this past week's events, we have decided it is time to move out of this county. We have some work ahead to get our house market ready. I made a "To Do" list last night and have already begun to tackle it this morning.

Where are we going? We aren't sure, but know without a doubt it won't be Macon!

We are hoping and praying our house will sell quickly and we will find our next home without incident.

The past couple of weeks or so have been better for me emotionally. And that may be due to lack of actual time to think about what has happened. I was also able to get a couple of projects completed that I have been wanting to in honor of my mom and the memories/legacy she left me with. I wouldn't think completing those tasks would be that significant, but maybe that's just what I needed.

I still have little belief in the system. It is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that my mom's murderer is free on the streets of Macon and nobody really seems to have a problem with that!

I get the same story from the detective every month, so no surprises there. A couple of months ago he gave me a hint of good news, but nothing since.

The past month, especially last week, has been challenging for me. For the obvious reason of course, another anniversary with no more answers. Adding to the pain, we had a friend die this week in a tragic, freak accident. It brought back a lot of memories from two years ago. Then to top it all off, the topic for my psychology class this week was death, the dying person and grief. What a week! Before I have said, and I truly believe, all of my life experiences up to this point have prepared me for my life now.

The project I mentioned in the last post is complete. I can hardly wait to share it with my family and friends. I hoping to have it in hand by the end of the week. Friday I was so intent on completing it, I stayed in front of my laptop most of the day. Did it make me feel better to have it done? Not really, but I did have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

Also, there is another idea I have been contemplating for a while and I have finally reached a decision. I don't want to give many details, I know some of you will not agree. However, I do plan to share once my idea is completed. . . stay tuned.

Thank you for following me in this horrible journey. I am always encouraged by your kind words and prayer.


Tree of Life (inspires me)

Pictures

Ok I have a request from all of you . . . could you please send me any photos you have of mom . . .PLEASE!! Pictures of her alone or her and you or whatever will work. If there is a story that accompanies the picture, share the story with me.

I am working on a project and want to get any and all pictures I can, the more the better. I know I can use the original photo and am not sure about electronic copies from you. But if someone would email me a file I will try it. Of the photos I have, I've used digital pics and files of photos scanned in (you know those before the digital camera?)! If you do send an original, I have every intention of getting it back to you.

Have questions? Need my address? A link to email me is in the "View My Complete Profile" section of this blog. Thanks for all your help!

P.S. I promise to share my creation once I have it completed.

This week has been such a challenge. . . mom's birthday, the anniversary of finding her, the news story, spring break for Dane, Shannon & Ridge's birthdays. Definitely am emotional roller-coaster.

Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family who offered words of encouragement, lended an ear to listen, etc. You guys rock! I could not imagine surviving this week without each of you.

Dane being home this week has probably saved me. I have to be mom 1st; I cannot allow myself to get lost in all the emotions happening now. Have I ever mentioned he is the greatest son???

Back to the news interview, I was interested in what Capt. Barbee had to say. I want to call him today for further explanation. You know you can only say so much on TV . . .

News Follow-Up

The local news granted my request and are now working on a follow-up story on my mom's murder. A reporter and camerman recently were here and did an interview with me. The story will air at 5 & 6pm tonight on 13WMAZ; for those of you not local, you can see the story at www.13wmaz.com. Not sure when it will be posted there. . .

The interview was more emotional than I thought it would be. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, re-airing of the story will help someone to remember something. As I told the reporter, I am hoping memories of the incident are haunting someone, and will lead them to tell what they know.