Anniversary

I never thought getting through the 6-month anniversary of my mom's death would be easy, but I did not imagine how difficult is would be either. Thursday or Friday (still have no confirmed date of death) marked that day for me and my family. I felt such a loss, almost as if there was an actual hole in my heart.

I tried (and continue to try) not to dwell on the unanswered questions, but to focus on those that are resolved. I trust the detectives to do their job and identify the killer. I am not fooling myself by thinking that will make any of this experience any easier or less painful, I am just hoping for an answer or two. Eventhough I have to accept reality that I may never get an answer.

I talked with the detective today. I felt I could not let the day pass without letting him know the significance and importance of this anniversary to me. He was reassuring and very kind to me. I understand he and the department have a lot they are responsible for, but I need them to remember my mom's murderer(s) is still out there somewhere. . .

Today marks six months ago that my mother's body was lying in her apartment, having had life so cruelly snatched from her. I ask you who knew her to pause for a bit and remember good times and laughter you shared with her. Remember her smile and her giving attitude.

I haven't posted in a while because I have nothing new to post. The detectives continue to work the case, looking for answers.

I have had more patience since our meeting with the detectives. I can only attribute that to all of the information and insight they provided when we met with them.

I have to think that somebody somewhere knows something. Why is no one coming forward? I wish I knew!

On a lighter note, I have my 1st job as a nurse. I am loving it! I truly feel my purpose in life is to be a nurse. Before, I could never imagine being as passionate about a career as I am. I work in an ER so you can only imagine what I get to see and learn. I love that we never know what's coming through the door next. I believe that my life's experiences this year have helped to make me a better nurse (I had to search for a long time to find that silver lining!).

Thanks for reading and passing on the link to my blog.

Questions Answered

Well, this week has been filled with anxiety for me. Thursday I had a meeting scheduled with the lead detective (I'll refer to him as "#1") on my mom's case. Imagine my sense of defeat when I arrived at the detective bureau and learned he was not working.

I felt I could not leave there without talking to someone. I was able to talk to his partner (He's "#2"). #2 gave me and my husband a lot of information, not especially specific to my mom's murder but to violent crimes. He gave us insight about how they are working the case.

#2 told us #1 would return on Friday. I told him to relay a message to #1 that we would be back on Friday.

We were able to meet with #1 yesterday. Again he gave us more information and insight. He encouraged me to be patient, which can sometimes be VERY hard in this situation.

He allowed my husband and I to view a couple of the crime scene photos. Why? I had a glimmer of hope that since none of my family had seen the body that maybe it wasn't my mom. Now I can rest assured it was her, not some other person.

Before seeing those pictures I knew my mom had died a violent death, but after seeing them I more fully understand how violent it was. I didn't tell any of my family or close friends beforehand because this was very personal to me. I don't want anyone else to see those pictures. They are horrific, but not as bad as I had imagined.

Strangely enough, I can honestly state that I feel better after seeing them. I no longer can question if it was my mom who died.

I am so thankful to #1 and #2. They both spent an hour or more talking to me and my husband. They gave us information and patiently answered all of our questions. I feel so much better now.