Local News

I did not watch the local evening news yesterday, but browsing the web this afternoon I see that one local channel had mention of my mom's murder. Below is the story from the news channel's web site:

Number of Murders Down
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Web Editor: Jake Wade
Originally Created: 12/29/2006 7:30:58 PM
Last Update: 12/30/2006 12:32:55 PM

There were 12 murders in Macon in 2006. That's down from 20 murders in 2005. And 37 in 1992.

The only case where the Macon Police Department has not made any arrests is in the murder of Brenda Mathis, who was beaten and strangled in her apartment on Pursley Street in April.

The Macon Police Department says it will solve the case.

JIMMY BARBIE, MACON POLICE DEPARTMENT
"The fact that there was a time period between when the murder took place and when the body was found makes it a little difficult. The fact that we suspect it was someone who knew the victim, there's no sign of any forced entry into that apartment, but it's a solvable case and we'll solve it. We work hard to try to get the violent criminals off the street and get guns out of the hands of people and it's finally starting to show a little result."

The lower murder rate has a lot to do with getting guns off the streets, says the U.S. District Attorney for Middle Georgia.

MAXWELL WOOD, U.S. DISTRICT ATTORNEY FOR MIDDLE GEORGIA
"Approximately 50 percent of your murders in the country are committed with a gun. Approximately 50 percent of those gun murders are committed by individuals who have previous felony convictions, if you can eliminate guns from getting into the hands of convicted felons, you can reduce your murder rate by 25 percent."

The U.S. District Attorney's office has had a project called safe neighborhoods since 2001 to get guns off the streets and to get much tougher sentences for criminals who use guns.

Bibb County, not including Macon, had four murders this year. They made arrests in all four. They had eight murders in 2005.


There is a video of the clip that ran on the news broadcast. I am trying to post it here. I'm working on it . . . keep checking back . . . don't give up on me . . . .

Try to click on the following link: http://www.13wmaz.com/video/player_news.aspx?aid=31130&bw=

I have not yet taken pictures of my mom's grave. I don't know if it is really appropriate for me to do so.

When I went there Wednesday someone had placed a pot of poinsettias at her grave. I don't know who put them there, but it was a very nice gesture. If it was you, thank you.

I made an arrangement and placed it there on Thursday. I had thought about taking pictures then, but it was dark before I was able to get there. It was so painful and hard to leave the cemetery that evening.

I am posting a Christmas card here for those of you I did not send one. I wish you a Merry Christmas filled with many blessings.

No Longer Unmarked

With the death of a loved one, especially one so close as a mom, it is surprising the things that cause joy and overwhelming emotion. This morning my MawMaw called me to let me know my mom is no longer in an unmarked grave. Strange as it may seem, I feel such relief as I was really having problems accepting that. Thanks to my MawMaw's generosity and love for me and my mom, my mom now has a slab on her gravesite. I couldn't imagine a better gift for myself this Christmas.

I am getting ready to go there now. I will take pictures to post here.

Merry Christmas

Well, in about 10 days we will celebrate our Saviour's birth. And it will be the 1st Christmas without my mom. I have really been trying very hard not to be overly saddened or depressed throughout this holiday season. But, it's not always so easy. The last time I saw my mom was last Christmas. As I've posted before, it was at that time that our relationship finally seemed to be headed in the right direction. We seem to have come to a place that we could accept the other's position and be mother and daughter again.

Today my son wore a shirt to school she gave him last Christmas. I know it is only a thing, but to me it is such a precious thing as it is one of the last she gave him. She took the time and effort to pick it out just for him. It breaks my heart to realize that is all he may ever really have of her. He does not remember much about her or how much she loved him. I definitely hold him a little tighter and longer now.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones!

Local News

Keep an eye out for an update on my mom's murder investigation to air on local news stations. I have been told by the assigned detective's boss that he was contacting local media outlets. He told me the detectives working her case would work with the media to make sure the word is still on the street. I watched the news this week, but did not see any mention of it.

Last week my husband found a book my mom gave me a couple of years ago, "Love You Forever." It is a children's book, but a great read. I think it coulld make any Momma cry, so needless to say reading after this year really caused a lot of tears. She had written me a note in the front cover. I so wish she were still here.

I was doing much better emotionally, up until a few weeks ago. I guess I can contribute the new wave of emotion to the holiday season. I was down to about a once or twice weekly cry, not now. I am lucky to get through one day without crying at least once.

I really had a hard time when I was tagging my mother-in-law's Christmas gift. I realized I could just put to "Mom" on it and we would know whose it was. No longer do I have to make sure I don't get my mom's and mother-in-law's gifts confused. Making my Christmas list also proved a challenge, hanging ornaments on the tree, another. And the list goes on.

Oh how I wish the events of this year could be part of a terrible dream. I would love to awake from this hellish nightmare.

I have another song I want to post on my blog, just haven't figured out how to do it yet. I have been unable to find a video for it so I am learning about audio clips. Stay tuned. . . .

Update

This week I was able to again meet with the detectives. As with the first meeting, I left feeling more optimistic about the investigation into my mom's murder.

The detectives continue to explore every avenue. Before talking with them again, I believed they were sitting around waiting on feedback from the state Crime Lab, but that is not the case (THANKFULLY!). They continue to question people and attempt to gather information.

I now understand why the detective has not chosen to renew the Carole Sund Carrington reward at this time. It is amazing the amount of insight one meeting can provide.

I was hoping for some kind of break before the holidays, but no such luck. At least not for now.

I encountered someone recently who could have so easily faced the same fate my mom did. I decided with the rush of emotion that I need to use my tradgedy to help others in some way. I don't know how I will do that just yet.

Explanation

I have changed the reward amount in the banner. The $5000 reward offered by the Carole-Sund Memorial Foundation has expired. The foundation offers rewards for 6-month periods, and my mom's case has reached that 6-month period.

The reward can be renewed, but at this point the detective sees no need to extend it. I cannot renew, that must be done by the detective. Again, I have no power in this case.

My apologies to all of you who may have tuned in to Closing Arguments on Thursday. I saw no mention of my mom's case throughout the 2-hour program.

I called the Carole-Sund Carrington Foundation today and was told they will let me know when it is re-scheduled to air. Apparently, case profilings are sometimes pre-empted (?spelling) and are re-scheduled by the show, not Carole Sund. Newer cases and those not yet profiled take priority.

I will post the next scheduled profiling as soon as I have that information.

I was able to speak with the detective this week. Nothing new from him. Still getting the same story . . . have patience, people are coming in, gathering info, processing info, blah, blah, blah. I was outraged to hear we are still waiting for DNA to be processed. "Hello!" detective and state of GA, "My dog wasn't run over, my mom was MURDERED!!" Hard to believe Sonny was re-elected . . . .

As always, thank you for reading my blog and passing the site info along.

Nancy Grace

I received a call from the Carole-Sund Carrington Foundation this week. My mom's case is scheduled to be profiled on Nancy Grace's program Closing Arguments that airs on CourTV, Nov 9th between 3 and 5pm EST. Please tune in if you can. Let as many other people know about this profiling too, please. It would be wonderful for someone to see this broadcast and remember something.

Since my last posting, my family and I enjoyed a vacation. This has been a rough year for us, especially me, and I thought we deserved a few days away. We sailed on a cruise ship for a bit. I took this picture in the Bahamas. I decided to include it because mom loved lighthouses and I think this is an awesome picture.

My postings here have not been as frequent, but only because I don't want to bore you with the same stuff over and over. There is really nothing new to report.

This week has been a bit rough for me, who knows why . . . I have taken care of some things that had to be done concerning my mom's affairs. That was hard, every time I do so the sense of finality hits again.

Last night I had a hard time sleeping because I could not get the crime scene photo out of my head. That was really the first time I've experienced such. I've had times that the image would flash through my mind, but never anytime when I could not get it out of my mind.

I left a few messages for the detective this week; I am hoping to hear from him by week's end. I have some questions I need answered, some issues I need him to follow-up on.

Anniversary

I never thought getting through the 6-month anniversary of my mom's death would be easy, but I did not imagine how difficult is would be either. Thursday or Friday (still have no confirmed date of death) marked that day for me and my family. I felt such a loss, almost as if there was an actual hole in my heart.

I tried (and continue to try) not to dwell on the unanswered questions, but to focus on those that are resolved. I trust the detectives to do their job and identify the killer. I am not fooling myself by thinking that will make any of this experience any easier or less painful, I am just hoping for an answer or two. Eventhough I have to accept reality that I may never get an answer.

I talked with the detective today. I felt I could not let the day pass without letting him know the significance and importance of this anniversary to me. He was reassuring and very kind to me. I understand he and the department have a lot they are responsible for, but I need them to remember my mom's murderer(s) is still out there somewhere. . .

Today marks six months ago that my mother's body was lying in her apartment, having had life so cruelly snatched from her. I ask you who knew her to pause for a bit and remember good times and laughter you shared with her. Remember her smile and her giving attitude.

I haven't posted in a while because I have nothing new to post. The detectives continue to work the case, looking for answers.

I have had more patience since our meeting with the detectives. I can only attribute that to all of the information and insight they provided when we met with them.

I have to think that somebody somewhere knows something. Why is no one coming forward? I wish I knew!

On a lighter note, I have my 1st job as a nurse. I am loving it! I truly feel my purpose in life is to be a nurse. Before, I could never imagine being as passionate about a career as I am. I work in an ER so you can only imagine what I get to see and learn. I love that we never know what's coming through the door next. I believe that my life's experiences this year have helped to make me a better nurse (I had to search for a long time to find that silver lining!).

Thanks for reading and passing on the link to my blog.

Questions Answered

Well, this week has been filled with anxiety for me. Thursday I had a meeting scheduled with the lead detective (I'll refer to him as "#1") on my mom's case. Imagine my sense of defeat when I arrived at the detective bureau and learned he was not working.

I felt I could not leave there without talking to someone. I was able to talk to his partner (He's "#2"). #2 gave me and my husband a lot of information, not especially specific to my mom's murder but to violent crimes. He gave us insight about how they are working the case.

#2 told us #1 would return on Friday. I told him to relay a message to #1 that we would be back on Friday.

We were able to meet with #1 yesterday. Again he gave us more information and insight. He encouraged me to be patient, which can sometimes be VERY hard in this situation.

He allowed my husband and I to view a couple of the crime scene photos. Why? I had a glimmer of hope that since none of my family had seen the body that maybe it wasn't my mom. Now I can rest assured it was her, not some other person.

Before seeing those pictures I knew my mom had died a violent death, but after seeing them I more fully understand how violent it was. I didn't tell any of my family or close friends beforehand because this was very personal to me. I don't want anyone else to see those pictures. They are horrific, but not as bad as I had imagined.

Strangely enough, I can honestly state that I feel better after seeing them. I no longer can question if it was my mom who died.

I am so thankful to #1 and #2. They both spent an hour or more talking to me and my husband. They gave us information and patiently answered all of our questions. I feel so much better now.

The new video I have posted was sent to me by a dear friend. I believe she first heard it on her way home after my mom's funeral. I think it is an excellent song and appropriate for what life has been for the last few months.

I was finally able to talk to the detective today. Nothing new from him. He is waiting on results from the recent DNA samples he sent to the Crime Lab. Wonder how long that wait will be? Days? Weeks? Months? A year, or more?

I planned a meeting with the detective this week. My husband is going with me for support. Hopefully I will know more after then; I know I will have at least one question answered (I will post more on that after I go). I am anticipating a very difficult meeting emotionally, but I feel I am as ready for it as I can be.

I ask you to continue to remember me and my family in your prayers. Even though I have more good days than I did a few months ago, the hard days still bring me to my knees at times. I think my mind has grown accostomed to the thoughts and concept of what happened, but my heart still hurts so much.

I have finally achieved one of my lifelong dreams, becoming a nurse. . . something I have wanted to do since I was 4 years old! I know my mom would be so proud of me. I am saddened that she is not here to share in this experience.

Video

Turn your sound up a bit and you can hear the music that accompanies the video I have added to my blog.

The song is "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. I chose this song because I remember hearing this song shortly after my mom's death and thinking if anyone ever had a bad day, it was definitely her. Since then, everytime I hear this song I immediately think about my mom and all that has happened. Often times it can still make me cry.

I plan to change the videos periodically, so if you have any ideas let me know (Thanks LKJ!).

Again, thanks for continuing to read my blog and passing the blog address along to others.

I have not been posting as regularly as I was simply because I have nothing new to tell or report. This whole process has been so frustrating and exhausting.

I have not talked to the detective this week, although I have attempted to each day. I can probably guess what he will say to me, but I still need to hear it from him.

I'm sure I have posted a comment similar to this before, but making sure my mom's murder(s) is/are caught and have their day in court is the last thing I can do for her.

My mom and I had always been so close. It was almost like we grew up together, as she was only 19 when I was born. I considered her my best friend for many years, we talked several times each day.

A couple of years ago things began to change. Our lives took different paths. She made some choices that I did not approve of and I felt I needed to protect my family, especially my child. At times we were barely even civial to one another. The last time I saw her it was much better. I think we had both begun to accept the other's position and point of view, even though we may not have approved.

Making sure her killer(s) is/are found is the LAST thing I can do to let her know how much I loved her, even though we did have our differences.

Dreams

I have started my first job as a nurse. For a few weeks I will be working every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night; which means I sleep all weekend days. I tell you all that to tell you this: I have had very few dreams since my mom died, and none of her. I have had dreams of her funeral and stuff, but that's been about it. Well, over the weekend (who knows what day, they all blend together) I dreamed I was at some family gathering and my mom walked into the door. I was never able to see her face or hear her voice, but I saw the rest of her.

I think I probably had this dream because I (nor anyone else) ever saw her body. Somewhere maybe I have some hope that it was not her.

Another Day

I talked with the detective yesterday. He used the phrase "slim pickins" when describing my mom's case. I don't think I was surprised to hear that. I'm beginning to wonder if this case will ever be solved. I can only hope and pray it is. I feel assured my mom's killer will face justice eventually. It may not be here on earth, but whoever did this will have to meet their Maker sooner or later.

At earlier times when I've thought about her murder remaining unsolved, I would almost become crazy (for lack of a better word). Last night as I was thinking about my conversation with the detective, and I think I may can accept that ("slim pickins"). Is it okay with me? Definitely not, but I have to accept what is and realize I can do nothing to change it. The last thing I could give my mother would be justice, but it is out of my control. I have done everything I know to do and talked to everyone I can think of to help, all to no avail.

I am powerless in this situation and have no control over what may or may not happen. I cannot let this ruin me, but accepting this reality is almost like losing her and what could have been all over again.

Again, I thank you for reading and passing the link to my blog along to others.

Nancy Grace

I don't know if anyone else saw it, but Nancy Grace did profile my mom's murder today. I am glad we got that media attention. I was talking with the detective about it, and I made the comment that it probably wouldn't help any. He told me to take whatever media time we can get. He said you never know who is watching.

I liked the way Nancy Grace referred to my mom as a "lovely lady." She also mentioned that my mom's murder took place near her hometown. Maybe something will come from this. Let's hope and pray it does.

I did talk to the detective today. I started the conversation by apologizing for any trouble I may have caused him. He chuckled and said it was okay and not to worry about it. After my apology he began to talk to me in the manner he did before my letter was in the Macon Telegraph. He encouraged me to be patient; I don't know of any other choice I have.

Update

I haven't posted in the last few days because I have nothing to post. I know no more than I did last time.

Tomorrow on Nancy Grace's program Closing Arguments, that airs on CourTV, my mom's profile is scheduled to show sometime from 3pm-5pm. Carole Sund Foundation told me to expect it to be about 2 minutes long. It may get bumped from tomorrow's show, depending on what else may be going on; if it does not air, it will be re-scheduled.

Still no word on when it will be broadcast on Nancy Grace's program on Headline Prime. I will pass along the date and time of that as soon as I know it.

I have not talked with the detective since the last posting, but I have left messages for him to call me.

I will update the blog when and if I have new information or something of interest to share. Thanks for reading and passing on my blog address.